We thought that love could carry us through anything life had to offer. We knew we were deeply in love; and, we were sure we had found our soul mate. As far as we were concerned, all the indications were in our favor. We had both dated many other people; we had learned what kind of people we liked and what kind we didn’t; we knew what we wanted in life; and, we were sure we were meant for each other.

It didn’t take long after marriage for us to discover that we had some real problems in our personalities. The confidence, the determination, and the self-esteem we both had admired in each other proved to be a liability rather than an asset. Even though we loved one another very much, we couldn’t seem to get along. We both were able to think of good arguments for why we should get our way.

The greatest problem in our relationship was a concern that seemed like it should have helped our relationship. We both could see what we thought was the best path for our future. We both were so convinced that we were right in these matters that we were relentless in our arguments. We both feared that if we weren’t heard out, our future would be in jeopardy. Our fears for our future were so great that we would fight for hours and say things that cut deeply.

The heart of the matter was an issue of trust; we simply only trusted ourself. As we look back on our arguments, we can see that both of us had great points and sound arguments. If we had been able to relax and discuss those things with a certain amount of trust in our partner, we could have come up with a plan that would have been better than either one of us could have come up with alone. But, self-confidence and self-esteem got in the way of us seeing the value of our lover and friend’s points of view.

One very powerful threat we both used with great effect was the threat of separation or divorce.

We loved each other deeply and wanted to be with each other very much. So, when one of us played the separation card, there was created a lot of fear and concern. This technique kept being used by one or the other of us to the point where we seriously started considering and even planning how to go about making the separation.

Neither one of us wanted to be separated at all; we just wanted our way. We were using it as a weapon to try to MAKE our partner listen to us and give in to our argument. I am sorry to say that we argued and fought for many years; but, I am happy to say we never separated from each other. We made each other’s life miserable at times; but, we finally took separation and divorce off the table.

We both were Christians; and we both knew God was a lot smarter than we were. However, it never dawned on us that He had a better plan and better ideas than ours. I don’t know why we didn’t simply lay down our opinions before Him and let Him decide what He wanted us to do. But, as we finally started looking at the Biblical principles found in HELP eMagazine, we realized that it didn’t matter what we thought, we could actually be wrong.

We discovered that we had been wrong many times when we were TOTALLY convinced we were right. As we got together and looked back on our life, we saw many occasions where we had convinced our partner to do something and it turned out wrong. We were so sure; we were so convincing; and we were so wrong. Since we have learned how to bring our opinions before God, since we have learned to seek His will for our lives, we have learned how to enjoy our love relationship with each other.

We are praying for you and your spouse that God will give you His principles so you can give your love for each other a chance to grow.