I actually had a very good life; my financial success was pretty incredible. I had a great family with several children. My business was quite successful; but, I kept having this overwhelming fear that I was going to lose it all. I don’t think it was greed; I just didn’t want to be faced with great loss or pain. I wanted to be able to pay my bills, I wanted my family to be safe, and I wanted my life to stay like it was.

Everything was going according to plan; I spent a lot of time with God trying to make sure He protected me, my family, my business, and all our possessions. I started trying to use various systems and principles that were supposed to deal with this nagging fear that something bad was going to happen to me. I talked to my friends and even talked to a professional about it. I just couldn’t seem to get rid of this darkness that kept filling my heart.

Day after day I would get up and do everything I knew to do to try and make sure those things I feared wouldn’t happen to me and my family. After doing all I could do to make our lives secure and safe, I would then start working on my fears. I would try to be positive; I would try to give the whole thing over to God; I would talk with my friends and they would say things to make me feel better; but, nothing helped me.

Then one day all those things I had feared started happening. It seemed like I would just get over one major bad circumstance and another one would come. No matter what I did I couldn’t stop the landslide of bad circumstances. I lost my job; my kids got killed in a car accident; and a lot of my savings got stolen.

It looked like nothing could possibly happen to make things any worse when I got really sick. I tried to stay positive and keep trusting in God; but, this was just too much. I felt like all the things I had tried to do to keep fear from running my life had failed. This was no longer a fear that couldn’t be justified, all the things I had feared were happening to me.

I started wondering if maybe I should have listened to all these fears. Maybe I was being warned in some way and just didn’t do what I needed to do. But, as I went over my activities, I couldn’t think of anything that I could have done. Guilt and confusion started filling my heart.

My spouse was pretty sure it was somehow all my fault. I could tell by some of the things my friends said that they thought I had done something to cause these things to happen. If it wasn’t bad enough that I had lost my kids, my job, most of my savings, and my home, I was losing the friendship and companionship of my spouse and those who had been the closest to me.

God seemed to be far away; and I wasn’t sure but I figured He was pretty upset with me too. It seemed like there were only two choices, either I had done something wrong or God wasn’t the good God I thought He was. If I started trying to get the blame off of me and put it on God, I felt worse. If I tried to dismiss all these calamities as just bad luck, I couldn’t explain the timing.

My big question, that kept coming into my mind was, how could all this many bad things happen in such a short period of time? There had to be some kind of reason for it all. This couldn’t just be a coincidence. So, I went to all my friends and associates to see what they thought.

I think my friends hurt me almost as bad as all the devastating circumstances that had come my way. Once I opened the door by asking for their opinions, they poured out all kinds of things they felt were wrong with me. They seemed to have been holding all these things in for a long time. They used this opportunity to get it all out in the open. I was already deeply hurt from all the terrible things that had happened to me. Their criticisms cut deep into my heart and left me feeling lost.

It appeared they had been discussing me among themselves and had all come to the same conclusion. They felt there were a lot of things wrong with me and I was simply paying for them. They said their motives were to try and help me get my attitudes and character straightened out; but, their actions and words really hurt me deeply.

Even though I felt God had to be mad or disappointed in me, I decided to turn to Him for help. I took every though, feeling, and word that had been spoken to me and poured it out before God. It felt like a dam broke and a river of pain and confusion flowed out of me. I couldn’t stop talking and asking God questions.

At first it was all coming from me; I said things that I didn’t even realize was in my heart. God waited patiently as I told Him things I felt, thought, and even believed. I was so damaged that I started accusing God to His face. To my surprise, He allowed me to say some pretty evil things against Him. It took me several days to finally get it all out.

After I had finished telling God all about what I thought and how I felt, a peace and relief came over me. Then God started pouring thoughts and feelings directly into my heart and mind. It was the most incredible experience. There had been a huge hole in my heart that I had tried to fill with people and things. I hadn’t realized it; but I had put myself in the place of God. I was trying to protect myself from experiencing pain and bad circumstances.

I thought I had a great faith in God and His provisions. But I soon found out that all my fears, bad circumstances, and depressions were out of control because I was trying to provide and protect myself. As God continued to talk to me with ideas and concepts flowing into my mind, He caused me to realize that all my fears and bad circumstances would go away by putting my TOTAL trust in Him.

He showed me how great and powerful He is. All my religious, business, physical, and mental activities were only as powerful and effective as a human could be. I saw how limited I had been at protecting me, my family, my business, my finances, and my physical condition. It was clear that I was never going to have a blessed life through my efforts.

God has since blessed me by giving me back more than I had before. My spouse and I have several wonderful children, our business and finances are much more blessed than they were previously. But me, my spouse, my children, and all we have are now under the care of the provisions and protection of God. Our faith is no longer in religious activities and what we can do to make sure we are safe. Our faith is in God and what He can do to help and provide for us.

Needless to say, this has drastically healed my fears. As my eyes have moved from me and all I can do to protect and provide for our family, I see a generous and loving God Who is bigger, wiser, and more loving than I will ever be. He has healed me from the pain of all I had and lost before. My eyes are now on the future and I see a way of life that is far superior to anything I could have had before.

HELP eMagazine teaches you how to have TRUE faith in God. The objective of this magazine is to help you establish such a close relationship with God that you and He are able to work together to bring great success in your life, relationships, and circumstances. Ask God to help you be willing to do what it takes to get true faith in your way of life.