My parents didn’t talk much; but, when they did, it was usually some sort of argment or disagreement. My dad read the paper and my mom criticised him, us, and the overall situation of our lives. We, as children got alone quite well. We had are little arguments and disagreements; but, for the most part we provided ourselves a little sanctuary of peace among ourselves.

Our parents never called us bad names; but, mom’s tone said it all. We felt we were incompetent, somewhat stupid, and irresponsible. It seemed like we could never do anything right. We weren’t hugged or complemented much. We weren’t talked to and included in on any adult conversations. We were either doing chores, homework, or playing by ourselves.

I saw how other parents raised their children and picked parents that I wanted to be like, when I grew up. I decided that I wasn’t going to be like my parents. I was going to talk quietly, treat them with respect, complement them a lot, and let them know I loved them. I was going to be totally different than my parents.

The one thing I didn’t take into consideration was my temperment. Like my parents, I had a short fuse. People could make me mad without knowing what they had done to cause it. I loved getting even with those I felt had done me wrong. I had a damaged heart that wanted to be accepted and loved. I didn’t get along with those around me because I was constantly being hurt and getting mad.

When I got old enough to start looking for someone to date, I didn’t think about picking someone who knew how to raise children. When I started getting serious about the person I wanted to marry, we didn’t even talk about what we thought was good child raising methods. We didn’t even talk much about how we were going to live our lives together. We just assumed that it would all work its self out.

After we got married, we started trying to get our finances heading in a good direction. We were sure we couldn’t afford to have children. We decided we would wait five years before we started trying to have children. During this time we worked a lot on our carriers. We put time, effort, and money into learning how to handle finances, get jobs, be good at our professions, and get ahead.

A litte bit after we had been married for two years, we decided it was time to add a child to our family. We still didn’t feel concerned about what we were going to do to raise them. It seemed like it was just going to happen naturally. All we knew was we wanted to have a child and that is what we did.

My spouse was raised differently than me. They were raised with a lot of freedom and privileges. Their parents weren’t nearly as strict as mine. I wanted to make sure my children were under my control and my spouse wanted them to be given freedom to choose for themselves. But, we didn’t find out about this difference of opinion until a child came into our lives.

Even after several years of marriage, my marriage partner and I still didn’t get along very well. We argued most of the time; we disagreed on almost everything; and when you add childraising to the mix, we really didn’t get along.

Needless to say, my commitment to being quite, loving, affirming, and gentle with my child wasn’t going the way I had planned. Our child didn’t create much of a challenge to my way of life. I didn’t find myself getting mad at them. It was all being caused by my spouse (or so I thought).

I found myself being frustrated with my spouse and it carried over to my relationship with my children. As we added more children to the family, my spouse and I gradually grew apart. We had our own lives and careers and this seemed to help us get along better. However, it also kept me from spending much time with the kids. I was too busy to be able to do much with them.

Kids grow up so fast! Before I knew it, one of my children had planned on going out on a date. I wasn’t so sure that was a good idea because I came from a strict background. My spouse was all for it because they had, had a lot of freedom. Since I had been so busy with my career, I really didn’t know much of anything that was going on in my kids’ lives. The date was scheduled for that night and I wasn’t knowledgeable enough to make any kind of decision. I felt frustrated and helpless.

The date happened on schedule; but, I had a personal meltdown. Family life was passing me by and I was spending my time working with other people. It was time for me to decide what was most important to me. Was it my career or did I care more about my kids? I did a whole lot of soul searching and decided I needed God’s help in making changes in my life. So, I started getting Biblical guidance and was able to start spending a lot more time with my family.

God helped me evaluate what it was I was looking for. I wanted to have a good time; I wanted to enjoy life; I wanted to have fun; and I wanted to do those things that made me happy. The life changes God helped me make put me on a track that I am now looking back on.

There have been two different ways of life I have lived. There was the life I lived doing those things I sincerely thought would make me happy. And, then I found a life I have lived that God designed for me. In the life I designed for myself, I found a type of pleasure that was a mixture of stress, worry, uncertainty, and drive. I had goals that enslaved me and dominated every waking moment.

At first, the life God designed for me didn’t feel like it was going to work for me. The time I spent with the family was a little bit boring and hard for me to relate to. I didn’t really know how to have fun with the family. But, God helped me stick with it and now they are the very best memories I have.

I invested a lot of time, effort, and money in things. But, the investments I made in my family are paying the biggest dividends. I now have grandkids; and my kids and grandkids are where I get some of my greatest pleasure. God used them to teach me how to enjoy people and how to spend time with those I love.

Worldly goals are no longer driving my life. I am no longer striving to be happy; I AM happy. God has filled my heart with a happiness that has met my needs and blessed my life. I have made the Bible my life-principles. They have helped me fulfill dreams that have not only blessed me and my family, they have brought great joy to my friends. I thank God for the teaching of HELP eMagazine and World Changers TLC.